Broke and Back on a Mountain

I haven't blogged now in over five months. Luckily, now I have five months of material to talk about. Or at least I hope I do.

Let's see where we left off. Ah, yes. I was preparing for an interview. Well, I did not get the job, and getting lost and winding up late for the interview could have been a contributing factor.

It was at a building in Rockville in an area with which I am very, VERY familiar. Not only was I miserably lost on the Pike, but the woman interviewing me had given me very specific instructions. And, to top that off, I had pulled into the correct parking lot the first time I arrived at my destination, but thought it looked fishy, so pulled out and kept driving. The problem was that the numbers on that side of the street (this is near the Rockville Metro station) did not appear correctly. I forget exactly what the deal was, but the building I was supposed to go to was angled and thus the number was not visible from the road, and the number was out of order. The building to the left was a higher number as was the building to the right. Talk about confusing. Needless to say, perhaps my interviewer decided that if I can't navigate Rockville Pike when I boasted about being a native meant there was something wrong with me. I agree that there's something wrong with me, but usually my sense of direction is unshakable.

The odd thing about that interview, and another I had been on a month or so earlier, was that I never heard anything back. No rejection, no nothing. I followed up a few times and got no response. Still, to this day, I sometimes check their Web sites to see if they hired anyone. Nope. Weird.

Since then, I have made several life-altering decisions that wound me back up in the same place I was in January 2009. Jobless. But, this time, I don't get unemployment pay. After 9 months in what I can only describe as an abusive and thankless relationship, I quit my job. With no notice. With no job lined up. Awesome. And, with my non-existent income, I now owe the IRS $700 big ones. Fantastic.

But, I am happy. You can't put a price on that. Add to that, I've regained my infinite appetite, and pulled out of my stress-induced-depression-coma. I am alive and I am free from my captors. The captors who used to pay me peanuts every two weeks in exchange for being belittled, cussed out in front of staff during meetings, threatened, screamed at for problems that were not my doing, blamed for things because of their extreme paranoia and senility, and more of the same.

And it was for two people I wished I had never met. A principal who makes the word "crazy" seem silly. A 60-year-old man who, despite cheating on his wife several times and being tied to the DC Madam scandal, had the audacity to proclaim to the office on their anniversary that the past 30 years had been nothing but (and I quote) "pure, unadulterated bliss." A man who wrote emails to senators, high profile clients and the like, riddled with typos and serious violations of the English language, such as "Happy New York" instead of "Happy New Year." A man who is an alcoholic and would frequently slip into blacked-out rages on phone calls. A man who made sexist remarks during conference calls while forgetting to mute the phone. A man who frequently used the word "p*ssy" to describe clients or people in front of the other female staffers. A man who always wore dress shirts two sizes too big, couldn't tie a tie to save his life (either the skinny part would be longer than the big part, or the skinny part would be tied on top of the big part, and always cocked to the side), had stains all over his outfit and two different colored, often untied shoe-laces. Since when was it OK to have bright yellow shoe laces on black dress shoes? Tip of the iceberg.

Oh, and then there was his wife. The woman who had been cheated on with reckless abandon. The woman, who turns 70 this year, and has already lost so much mental capacity that she should be in a home, but instead RUNS the firm as "president, ceo, coo, and cfo" as she would recount to us daily. Try having a discussion with the woman. The next day she will ask about something that had never been discussed and because of extreme paranoia would acuse and blame you for things that she had said the opposite of a mere day earlier. A losing battle. A woman, who on my third week of temping, bought me a $300 Coach purse to thank me for all of my help and tell me she wants me to take over and run the firm, but then months later pulled a 180 to tell me I was worthless. For. No. Apparent. Reason.

The three senior associates were dumbfounded. They regularly praised me for my work and kept telling me to "stick with it," and "hang in there." But all of which were too timid to ever speak up and defend me until it was too late. That's ok. I get it. People have families to support, mortgages to pay, and understand that reasoning with irrational, senile, and rage-ful people is risky. I just had to do it myself. But, I'll tell you, it was like waking up and dressing for battle EVERY day. I'd come in and sit at my desk IN THE HALLWAY and wait for that crazy animal to come in and start at me. I'd defend myself, sometimes raise my voice and get nowhere. You simply cannot argue with a crazy person.

The eve of the eve of my departure, I had been a staff meeting where the principal got up out of his seat to lean across the table and scream in my face with F-bombs and, F me about this and that all over something so insignificant. A Web site password. I had never been given the password, I had asked the network people to supply it several times and they hadn't gotten it to me yet. He was so aggressive. So out of line. Call me a wimp, but I had never been talked to like that before (well, other than the several other times that he had done so). At one point, another associate started telling him to calm down and stop. I was speechless. I defended myself briefly, but I could feel my face starting to burn and the tears piling up at the door to burst. But, instead, I bit my tongue. I don't know how I was able to sit through 20 more minutes in that room without crying out of my frustration and anger, but I did. I kept telling myself that I could make it two more days to Friday and never return. I had contemplated walking out of the meeting to make a statement and to just get the hell away, but logistically it would've been difficult. It was a tight space. I would've had to ask the girl next to me to stand up and move her chair as well as the two other people seated by the door. Talk about a not-so-dramatic departure.

The eve of my departure...I remember like it was yesterday. I was pulled into the conference room yet again for her to berate me for no reason, and I told her to stop attacking me. I said in my years of work, I have never experienced such unprofessionalism. I defended my work product and told her this was not working out. That's when she said she was going to move me into an office with her, twice daily monitor my tasks, have me listen for the phone to ring (one day, the phone rang and the receptionist didn't pick it up, so she yelled at me for not hearing it--mind you that was the first time in 9 months I hadn't heard it ring). I was done.

While I had been trying to leave this place for months and had been beyond miserable for months, that was when I had my moment of clarity. The End. I actually went home sick that day. Not because I didn't have the strength to deal with it anymore, but because I spiked over a 100 degree fever, had chills and massive stomach cramps. My normal temp is around 97 degrees, so I'd say I was not well. I packed up my work, told the senior partner at the firm I was sick, and went home. I couldn't rest yet, though. I had an hour call with a client and finished up more project work in the peace and safety of my home all the while shaking from my ailments. I heard later from my coworkers that when the crazy animal lady heard I went home sick that she was going to fire me because I was not allowed to go home sick. As she said it was an "unexcused" absence. That night, the senior partner called the principal, and another senior partner and told them what happened. One of the partners called and in her message apologized for how unprofessional the wife had been, praised me for my work, but then also said that having been with the firm for 20 years (she works remotely in Iowa--clearly the only reason she can tolerate working for these people) she wishes she could say that stuff like this won't happen again, but she said she can't. I appreciated her honesty and her concern for me. I also know that if I was making six figures like she and the other three associates, I could definitely tolerate working there for a bit longer.

When I had started temping at this place in June 2009, I refused a full-time job offer from them three times before I finally accepted thinking a paycheck and benefits would be nice. The writing was on the wall from the beginning. It just wasn't worth the compromise to my mental and physical health. That Friday, after having a lengthy conversation with one of the senior associates about my decision, I left a short and sweet resignation letter on the principals chair. I called my temp agency and lined up work to start on Monday and then walked out of the office for the last time. My fever vanished. My stomach cramps left. Amazing. I smiled and felt true happiness for the first time in ages.

I will never know what would've happened had I refused that job for the fourth time. For what it's worth, I tried something new. I did lobbying work for the first time and it wasn't half as bad. I learned a lot. I pushed my mind and strength to new limits.

And, now I am teetering on the edge of broke. Gazing up the mountain of endless bills and zero cash flow. It's a steep climb, but I know I can make it.