Unemployment's a Bad Cat

If any of you know my older brother, you know he is concise, writes small notes in tiny font and has a penchant for giving one word answers. My favorite? His signature yes/no reply to an either/or question.

Me: Do you want the turkey bacon club or the cabo chicken?
Jeff: Yes.

Or better yet, the yes/no reply to a long email fraught with important questions.

Me: So Jeff, about this upcoming vacation, Mom thought we could... I was wondering what you thought about... When are you free to... Do you think we should...
Jeff: No.

Well, Jeff, like I, was laid off earlier this year and is still in pursuit of full-time work. He's living the experience I did from January to July when I was actively job searching but mostly at a loss of how to spend my new-found freedom. There was a point in time for me where I had worn the same pair of stretch pants for almost two weeks. Sometimes a shower seemed like a distant memory. And frequently, I found myself looking at the clock at 5:00pm wondering how I was still watching Food Network after having only left my bed to eat or use the bathroom. Time management issues? Mmmhmm. I remember a day back in February when I was one brown bag short of a homeless person. I hadn't showered in a couple days, was wearing an outfit that had already seen a few too many sunsets and was drinking wine by myself at 2:30 in the afternoon. What made it OK was that I was IMing with friends. So, I "technically" wasn't drinking alone, people!

Anyways, my point in all this is that unemployment can easily kill motivation and encourage a boredom that causes one to do things just for the helluvit. I doubt I will ever again spend all day watching TV or drinking alone. Wellll...

Now, back to Jeff. I'm not saying he's a quiet person at all. That's not in his nature. He's been known to make a short story long and can be quite intentionally loud. It's with the written word where he's a terse one. So when I received an epic email from him this morning titled "Cats are bad," I thought something profound had happened. Then I realized something was wrong: Jeff needs a job. Read for yourself!

Date: Tue, 25 Aug 2009 23:17:48
Subject: Cats are bad

So I had this dream this morning - we had a little pet zoo going on over here.

The Pets:

1. Sebastian (as himself), though not to be seen in the dream

2. Aeres the dog - he's one of our Terrapin Masters' friends' dogs. a Golden Retriever in real life, he was more like a very light brown chocolate lab whose coat was really cool and would change color in sunlight to a very very very dark chocolate w/ white coat. As in real life, very well trained, obedient and loyal.

3. Unnamed "Yellow Cat" - he was yellow and white, kind of the same way Gizmo is - but with the yellow/white striping throughout the way [Mollie's cat] Darbymonster is. A former Grover cat, somehow [they] knew the Plattners, neighbors down the street from us, and had given him to them. We were for some reason looking after him.

4. [Mom & Pop Grover's cat] Gizmo (as herself) - standard Grover feline

The Dream

Life was good. Sebastian got free roam of the place. The yellow cat was usually in dad's study or hiding, so no trouble. Aeres usually cooped up in mom's room upstairs - probably so he didn't contaminate "Sebastian's" house. And there was no Gizmo.

Then along came Gizmo. I guess the Grover clan was all off somewhere, cause for some reason, Gizmo ended up here. I think perhaps the Plattners were supposed to look after her, but since they were obviously not around, we got her. First the cats started going crazy. Yellow cat actually started showing his face all over the house, and Gizmo were seen side by side everywhere. Not good, as they were contaminating Sebastian's house, among other things.

Then Aeres went nuts. He started roaming all over the place, but aside from eating a hot dog, found on top of the front hall radiator, which was apparently his breakfast anyway, all he was doing was roaming.

Then the cats went really nuts. For some reason, they were either declawing back paws only; or someone lied about those cats being deknucled. First they went for some of dad's low-hanging books. The nice ones. Then records. Then furniture. And as mentioned earlier, the two cats were side by side doing all of this. I lost it when I saw them both clawing at the kitchen table.

I was in the middle of trying to secure Mollie the master cat nabber - and cat carriers - to try to get them back to the Plattners when I awoke.

The moral of the dream -- LONG LIVE SEBASTIAN!!! -- he did nothing in the dream but did come visit me an hour ago in real life (i forgot to put the gate up).

-jeff

Hey, Jeff. I hear the Humane Society's hiring.

Head Over Meals

Folks, I'm in love. It's the greatest feeling ever. I'm head over heels. For the past 28 years, I've had a steady and fulfilling relationship with food. Yes, in College, food conned me into thinking late night mozzarella sticks and nachos would do wonders for my body, but I've since forgiven and forgotten. And, this past weekend in Chicago visiting my friend Christine was essentially a renewal of my vow to pursue the most satiable items on the planet.

Thank you Ann Sather. I will never forget you, Pizano's. And GOD BLESS you, Phoebe's Cupcakes.

Ann Sather's got it all figured out. Known for its mouth-watering cinnamon rolls, the restaurant's specialty item "French Toast Fantasy" falls nothing short of fantastical--mascarpone-filled cinnamon rolls, battered, grilled, and topped with granola and seasonal berries. Best $9.95 I've spent in a while. Pizano's is the third Chicago pizzeria I've tried and it didn't let me down. When that juicy, steaming deep-dish pie with warm, succulent tomatoes, pungent basil and aromatic garlic arrived at our table, I couldn't help myself. It was like Shark Week on Discovery. Oh, did I mention the cheese was scalding hot? While the roof of my mouth and taste buds will never quite be the same, my heart is happy and that's all that matters. What one will do in the name of love. Now, I don't like to pick favorites, but Phoebe's Peanut Butter Fudgie Brownie cupcake has won me over. It was the perfect ending to my Saturday night. The cupcake was "normal-sized" and two-toned. I'll get to that in a minute. It's also not a regular menu item. Fate brought us together. It was meant to be. The bottom half of the cupcake was moist dark chocolate cake with the upper portion a cheesecake-like consistency with chocolate chunks scattered about. Then there was the icing. Be still my heart. Light and whipped peanut butter frosting with a sprinkle of crushed peanuts and chocolate shards. Oh, PBFB, how I love thee. Let me count the ways...

Aside from the eating tour of Chicago, Christine and I ventured out of the comfort zone of plain old shopping and enjoyed some other activities. We paid a visit to the Lincoln Park Zoo and saw the strangest of all in the bear kingdom, the Malayan Sun Bear. Something ain't right with that guy. Check out that tongue! We also spotted several wardrobe and haircut disasters about the city that were more intriguing than the zoo animals. The highlights? A dude with a chic-esque mini mullet and a woman wearing a tube-top onesie with parachute pants (think MC Hammer). Friday evening we went to a sketch comedy show at Second City that was riddled with hate for conservative politics and dirty politicians. We also checked out Millenium Park (a first for me) where we marveled at the bean and the fountain with faces. Next we went high brow and browsed the new modern wing at the Chicago Art Institute. Most of the art was funky and cool, but some of it was frustrating. Why does a piece of orange plexi-glass get a spot on the wall? I imagined the artist back in his studio shaking his head, laughing and murmuring: "suckers."

The last notable activity we did beyond stimulating the economy was watch a dance show at the Millenium Park pavilion on Saturday evening. Yeah, we did spend a great deal of time grumbling over the idiots standing up blocking everyone's view of the screen, but the show itself, aside from the creepy male ballerinas, was fascinating. The most annoying of the annoying were these two mid-twenties jokers performing a dance/thumb war routine. Really? Thumb wars were so ten years ago. In the middle of the best performance, they stood up, slapped hands ala Miss Mary Mack, and kicked an intense thumb war jig into high gear. Can't quite picture it? Go to google images and type in the word "jackass."

The things to do and the sights to see in Chicago are unending. And I think you know that when it comes to food, Chitown won't let you down.

Midwest-ward Bound

The beach trip is over. I have a satisfactory tan and plenty of post-glutton guilt after many an indulgent meal. Normally I'm exhausted after vacations. But last night, I couldn't sleep a wink. The first day of this trip, I slept most of the car ride down, slept on the beach, took a nap after the beach and then went to bed early. Each successive day was similar. So why was last night any different? Maybe it's the fault of the stagnant, hot air in my room that makes sleeping in the summer a challenge. But, I've slept in those conditions before. Hmmmm. Ahh, yes. Yes. I knew it. I should've capitalized on that deal for hermit crabs. Ahh, the hermit crab...the gift that keeps on giving. My older brother's birthday is coming up in about a week and I'm yet again stumped for a unique gift idea. A hermit crab would've definitely been a surprise. Nothing says, happy almost-30th-birthday better than a hand-painted hermit crab. I can hear his reaction now: "Awww, you shouldn't have..." Well, Jeff, I didn't. I apologize. Maybe next year. And, now that I've cleared my conscience, I'll sleep easy tonight in the Windy City.

Yes! I'm headed to Chicago to visit one of my best college friends. She's there getting her PhD in Immunology, which sounds impressive to many. But to a non-scholarly common Jane like me, what's most impressive is her shrewd ability to locate the best brunch, lunch and dinner spots in the city. After a recent weekend trip to NYC to visit a friend from childhood, I never thought my life would be the same after eating seven meals in one day. The bar has been raised. I am well prepared to "eat the city into the ground." Look out, Chitown. Better yet, the weather's supposed to be quite pleasant there which will make my trip even more enjoyable. I just hope the weather holds up around here tonight so I don't experience flight delays (one of the many banes of my existance.) It's also my first time flying into O'Scare (I usually choose Midway), an experience that I hope doesn't give me any material for this blog.

Well, it's past noon and I'm starting to feel edgy. Lunch calls.

Va-Vacay

Today starts day two of the abbreviated family vacation. Abbreviated because we're only gone for half a week and we've left two of us at home. Dad and Mr. Sebastian, our beloved, deaf dog. Both live similar schedules of lounging, eating, barking at the neighbors and Starbucks. My bad, Sebastian is no longer permitted to consume human food.

The rest of us are down at Virginia Beach. The weather's been great "beach weather" in terms of excessive sun and little cloud cover, and the beach atmosphere is pretty typical, but different, too. During the day while lying on the scorching sand, (I burned my feet running back to the hotel sans flip flops) fighter planes soar above making sleeping impossible. The sight is somewhat cool, though.

Today, our aunt drove down to visit us for the day. We usually only see her at Thanksgiving, so it was fun to see her a few months early. She found us a good spot for lunch that I've already slated as our breakfast spot for tomorrow. Yep, I was eating my lunch special while thinking of which breakfast plate I would devour in the morning. IE, mentally cheating on my lunch.

Now, back to the beach town. On our walk to dinner last night, we passed four of the same mega beach stores selling everything from salt water taffy to plastic flip flops to random trinkets you will never need or use. Ahhh, the wonderful world of kitsch. It's everywhere. I could go on and on about beach towns, the strange locals, and the funky night entertainment, but I'm out of time.

I will say, though, I've never seen so many tattoo parlors in a ten block span. There was one that boasted a "family tattoo special." Maybe had Mom splurged for a bottle of wine at dinner we would've made a fantastic decision on the walk home. Or, maybe we would've toured the haunted apartment, taken a pirate ride, perused the local aquarium (which consisted of three fish tanks) or been wowed by the hall of mirrors. Instead, we walked back to the hotel and watched re-runs. Being lazy is never going to lose its popularity.

Time to head out to my favorite vacation activity...EATING!

A New Frontier

This is a first for me. A new frontier, if you will.  My first step into the increasingly saturated, social-media market.  As my research shows, I am, in fact, the last person on earth to launch a blog.  Not to say I don't know my way around cyberspace, I just never got sucked into social media like some of you out there.  I never really ever kept a diary, either, so sharing what's on my mind was something that generally took coercing.  Not anymore.

The electronic/cyber world has moved at a lightning pace. I can remember the first time I was exposed to e-mail as a little kid recently after my parents had purchased an IBM PS1 computer.  As my brothers and I hovered around the screen, my mom sent an email to our aunt, who then replied back moments later.  It was unfathomable.  My world of legos and scratch-and-sniff books was turned upside down.  I imagined the words traveling from the computer's cord out of the house and through the streets and highways to my aunt's house.  But, how did it go so fast?!

And, now, here we are in 2009.  My dog has a Facebook page and I still can't figure out how to make him accept my friend request.  What is this world coming to?

A little behind the curve, what can I say.  Yet, there's an excitement inside of me as my fingers stumble over the keys.  I finally caved.  I did it.  I can't believe it.  I'm going to write about whatever, whenever and people will read it.  Lots of people.  Important people.  Hey! My mom's important!  As are my fellow jobless friends and those bored at work.

Stay tuned for more, friends.