What am I, five?

The curious case of Benjamin Button has struck me again. As my friends and I start to prepare for the onsets of our 29th birthdays, I am caught between feelings of a geriatric-like haze and a degeneration that only Benny Button would understand.

The transformation started several months ago when I started to notice, with much offense taken, that I was no longer being called "miss" but instead "ma'am." I didn't think my face has weathered that much. How did they know I was close to turning 30? It's the worst among young, doe-eyed wait staff. Somewhere between "And for the lady?" and "What can I get for you, ma'am?" I've started to resent these kids. Who do they think they are? Well at least I am not in college and look like I'm 12. Take that, kid. But those remarks are starting to give me a little dose of self doubt. Am I that creepy almost-30-year-old at the bar hanging with the young twenty-somethings? Am I the weird almost-30-year-old I used to whisper about and glare at while among the aisles of Forever 21 when I was in college? Please, no. I'm not ready for this quite yet.

What's even more perplexing to me these days is the converse of my un-graceful aging in the public eye--my degenerative health. I used to take pride in how unwaveringly strong my health was. One to two colds per year and that was it. It's not like I'm afflicted by elderly health problems like bed sores, cataracts, or loss of bladder control. Thank God. Au contraire, I've had some very unwelcome blasts from the past. In late March, I became the lucky victim of strep throat. Strep throat? Really? I hadn't had that since I was in primary school! (And, do they even call it "primary school" anymore? I feel like I've just dated myself.) If only they prescribed that delicious liquid medicine from back in those days. Not as horrendous as the horse pills they dole out now. My latest ailment? Pink eye. Got damn! What's next? Head lice? Diaper rash? Colic? I already had the chicken pox. Phew.

Thank goodness for CVS Minute Clinic. The nurse there knows me all to well at this point. I wonder if I can get a frequent visitor discount. I can just see it now on the nurses printout after my visit. Take one pill twice a day for ten days. Drink plenty of fluids. Avoid the moon bounce, playgrounds, and story-telling section of Barnes and Noble.

Sigh.